Let no one think me besieged by envy when I recommend most heartily that all young ladies, or creatures possessing the semblance of young ladies, be forbidden the grounds of our beloved Delt House. I hope I am as sensible as any fraternity man of the charms of a jolly armful of co-ed, but the recent spate of what I can only call incidents with Hepzibah, Dorcas, Keziah, and Keren-happuch- God preserve us, Keren-happuch!- All right, Pabodie, I know I said I wouldn't speak of it-
The point is, it only troubles what one might call the atmosphere, and overexcites Brother West to boot. I implore you to think of the good of the brotherhood and pursue your amours elsewhere- I'm sure you gentlemen can think of a few secluded grottos, hey hey?

NB: Do not use the Potter's Field -JW